A Day in the Life of Me

No, this is not just a bad day that happened last week. This is a typical day in my life.

7:15 Lil Miss arrives at side of bed with an empty cup "Mommy I'm thirsy and the sun is up so . . ."

7:20 Get out of bed when child refuses to leave. "The sun is UP Mommy"

7:25 Get milk and cereal for sleepy eyed child. Make coffee, grumble downstairs to wake up snoring giant of a husband that sleeps through everything. Answer work phone- "Yes, yes uh-huh. Meeting at 10"

8:00 Wait it's 8? How the hell did it take me over a half hour to pour cereal, make coffee, and wake up the husband? Beg child to get her clothes out of her cubby and get ready. She protests. . . Grab clothes myself put on some random Yo Umi Diego show and run downstairs

8:15 Dig through pile of clothes in desperation for something that smells and looks cleans for myself. Change clothes, brush teeth, locate shoes and go to grab husband from office "Why aren't you ready?" He shrugs his shoulders.

8:30 Run upstairs and child is staring at the TV like a zombie. "Why aren't YOU ready!" She shrugs her shoulders. Change channel back to news and dress child, detangle hair, re-do hair, get her to brush her teeth. Yell down to husband "WE HAVE TO GO"

9:00 Do I live in a effing time warp? 9:00! "WE HAVE TO GO" Throw child and husband in car, try to start movie for child. "I'm hungry" she says. "McDonald's it is!" says husband! I sigh as my family cheers for the idea of the unhealthiest food on the planet.

9:20 Depart McDonald's drive though with overly ecstatic family. . .what the hell do they put in this food and why don't they put it in the food I try to make for dinner?

9:50 Arrive at daycare. Remind husband of the 5 billion things in the car that must go in with her while I check e-mails.

9:51 Receive reminder that I have a meeting at 10. Frantically look for number to push back meeting.

10:15 Arrive at work wondering how I've been up for 3 hours already. Grab my 5 million things I need for work and struggle with keys to open door.

12:00 Alarm goes off reminding me to eat lunch. I hit dismiss, make coffee, and eat a random snack from snack cubby (today was a stale PayDay)

3:45 Look at clock in utter dismay as I realize the day is almost over and I have accomplished nothing on my scheduled list.

4:15 Frantically prepare deposit in hopes to get to bank before 5

4:40 Yell at husband who is playing games at his desk . "WE HAVE TO GO" (did I mention the hubster and I work together?)

4:45 Drag 5 billion things to car and speed off to bank

4:59 Arrive at bank in enough time to feel guilty about dropping something off so late.

5:05 Pick up milk and bread from store

5:29 Arrive at daycare in just enough time to not be charged their $5 per minute of being late, late fee. Grab happy child and 20 pictures from her cubby.

5:35 Try to calm hysterical child down because she forgot her stuffed animal in her other cubby (Why the hell does daycare have 2 cubbys?)

6:10 Arrive home. Drop 10 billion things in doorway and run to kitchen to make food. Husband sits down to watch TV with hyper child. Wipe off table, make sub-standard meal of yogurt, carrots, corn, and mac and cheese.

6:30 Oh good God! We are on schedule! "Time to eat!"

7:15 Sigh as child mashes food but won't eat anything. "I want McDonalds"

7:20 Give up. Clear table, pack up food. Husband passes out on couch. Hyper child is running circles in the living room. Beg her to do her chores. Read her a book while cleaning table.

8:15 Again with this damn time warp. We gotta move. Throw child in bath yell at hubster to go downstairs and go to sleep. Clean child. Let her play while I get her room ready- set out jammies, pull-up, turn on radio, clear bed, remove cats, and make sleepy time milk. Go back to find child has decided to use toothpaste for soap.

8:50 Dry child, brush teeth, dry hair, comb hair, beg her to get ready.

9:15 Read story, remind her that she may not get out of bed. Yell at husband to sleep downstairs.

9:20 Set up work station. Mess around on facebook, shoot out emails, mess around on Pinterest.

11:30 Pass out having accomplished nothing.

Maybe I'll just go live in the woods. . .
~Coffee Mom