"Men" in the Office

2:06 PM with tears in my eyes. My list keeps extending down the page, now into two rows, and starting on the back of the page. I have one employee call me up to look over a help wanted ad."Does this include everything I wan it to?" The next employee asks about bank reconciliation  "These numbers aren't the same and I dunno why. So should I just put this on your desk to figure out?" And the husband? He's looking up on Google "What to do when your boss is an idiot"

FUCKING REALLY? These are grown-ass men asking these questions.
To Male Employee 1 "Yes. The ad says what I would think you want it to." I smile and pat his back.
To Male Employee 2 "No you can not just give this to me to figure out. Please crunch the numbers and figure out what exactly you are off and why. Maybe it has something to do with the end of the month." I smile and pat his back
To Male Employee 3(Husband) "Babe, did you send out those flyers?"
"Uh, no. I was out most of last week working from home. I figured someone else could do it."
"Okay, well it hasn't been done, so you got it right?" I smile and pat his back.
"No, not really. I've got a lot going on so here just add it to your list over there. 500 brochures stuffed with flyers. . . ." And this is when I zone out. I'm writing down word for word what he is saying to me, but I'm not breathing and I can't see straight. I pray he will leave on an errand so I can close the door and bang my head into my desk and cry like the little baby I feel like being.

Working with all men is like playing Mommy 24/7 and I am really not sure how much longer I can keep this up. On top of the reassurance men in the office seem to need, I also need to clean up after them like my children. Soda bottles, tools, random pieces of paper, dirt on my desk from kicking his god damn nasty ass shoes onto MY desk. The borrowing of things because their things are lost "Um, I sort of lost my scissors and then I borrowed yours and lost those too. So could you maybe order some more?" I can hear a "thanks mom!" somewhere in the back of their head.

I pick a fight with the husband in out small joint office in hopes he would give me the space I needed. He protested so I told him to go for a drive so I could attend to an important work thing without his distracting comments. . . Which of course, was writing this while banging my head into the desk and crying like the baby I want to be. He must think I'm crazy.

I am sure I am the one who made this mess. I've trained them to be like this somehow. I am at a total loss at how to re-train them. But I am really excited to see how they do while I am gone for 6 weeks this summer with my new little bundle of joy. I won't be here to look over ads, reconciliations  clean up after them, or take on their random tasks that they can't fit into their busy days.

And in case you were curious before I could even post this I received these questions/comments
-Can you look over this one more time?
-Do I just write things off like this? It's what the internet told me to do. . .
-I set the flyers out so you can take care of all that now.
-Why aren't the licenses in the file?
-No, really this is the last time. Can you look over this?
-Where are the AoI? I thought it was here but there's nothing in that file anymore.

Just a few more minutes alone with my coffee and blog world and I will go back out to being the Office Mom.

~Coffee Mom